The Sting (Wisteria tea room, Fakenham)

Wisteria Tea Rooms,

Fakenham,

Opening times Tue-Sat from 10:00-15:00

I normally like to explore North Norfolk cafes from Andrew's (who is notoriously hard to please) house in Alysham as it enables a lot more venues to be explored. However due to a host of unforeseen circumstances Andrew had recently started to text me the day before our planned rides to postpone so I was both worried, that something was wrong, and excited when no cancellation message was received yesterday as it appeared our ride would be on. I now realise Andrew had actually been missing our rides because he had been planning his big sting operation. 

I innocently turned up at Hard to Please House having already informed Andrew that we would first be going to Wiveton Hall cafe, to pick up some flapjack to test out in my search for flapjack of the year 2016, before heading to Fakenham and the Wisteria tea rooms. I now know that this two stop approach was the opportunity he had been waiting for and I had fallen into his trap.

It was tough going into the wind up to Wiveton Hall cafe which is on the coast but it's always worth a visit.

At Wiveton Hall

When we arrived I said to Andrew I would just pop in to purchase some flapjack but he suggested we should stop for a quick coffee. I assumed this was because he hadn't ridden much recently and needed a break so I foolishly agreed. I made it clear that as this was an unnecessary stop then it would be a non reviewing one which allowed me to opt for a cup of tea and scone rather than my normal hot chocolate and cake.

Our unnecessary drinks and cakes (plus takeaway flapjack) soon arrived and were very good. 

Unnecessary cake and drinks plus brown bag with my flapjack to try later

Recently Andrew has appeared to have developed a special power to attract farmyard animals. On our last ride (see Turkey time) it was Turkeys but this time it was chickens that were swarming round him like a modern day pied piper. I am now concerned on our next trip that we could be trampled by pigs, cows or sheep.

Andrew using a CDS

Whilst Andrew continued to mesmerise the chickens he suggested I pay and he would settle up his bit of the bill at the next stop. I didn't realise at the time that his chicken distraction strategy (CDS) was all part of a cunning con that I had fallen for hook, line and sinker.

With flapjack safely stored in my back cycle pocket we set of again into a stiff breeze to the Wisteria Tea room which we found just off the high street in Fakenham. On arrival I was relieved to see that there were only two ladies in the courtyard outdoor seating area and not a sniff off any cows, pigs or sheep. 

Outside Wisteria Tea room with no farmyard animals in sight

However it was a bit chilly so we opted to go inside and take up a table in the rather dark indoor seating area.

Slightly dark indoor seating area

I checked out the cake selection in order to award the effective cake selection (ECS) score. There was only carrot or lemon cake plus scones or raspberry tart so I could only award a modest ECS.

Cake selection

I Opted for carrot cake with my hot chocolate plus, as it was lunchtime a cheese sandwich. Andrew said he was a bit full and had a cup of tea and a cheese toastie which clearly isn't cake.

Cycling guest cycling top tip no. 56. Avoid upsetting you cycling host, when he has invited you on a cycle ride to assist with reviewing coffee and cake, by not insisting on an unnecessary stop at a regularly visited destination and then refusing to have coffee and cake at the target destination.

Unfortunately Andrew had not followed cycling guest cycling top no. 56 so was little help with food and drink reviewing (I always give a cup of tea 7 out of 10 as the guest hot drink quality (GHDQ) mark as it is just a cup of tea). My hot chocolate was a bit on the milky side but the carrot cake was pretty nice and scored well.

Drinks

It was now time to pay and as I only had a few quid left, after paying for our unnecessary refreshments and flapjack at Wiveton, Andrew would need to foot the bill. However when he went to get out his money from his back pocket he pulled out a ten pound note plus a fifty euro one. He feigned surprise claiming he must have picked up the 50 Euros by mistake as he had had some holiday money in his wallet and had assumed it was a tenner.

Very dis similar looking banknotes

This put us in a flap as we now had little money between us and desperately started to add up the cost of what we had whilst deciding who would offer to do the washing up. We sheepishly went to the till and found we just had enough, within 10p, as fortunately tea was much cheaper than coffee.

Mightily relieved we set off for home with a nice wind behind. It was only when I got back that I realised I had been tricked. Suddenly it all made sense; the unnecessary coffee and cake , the CDS, the fifty euro identification issue, these weren't the random acts of a bumbling idiot as I had thought but an intricate plan to trick me into buying him his lunch and I had fallen for it, grrrrr.
Scores 

Hot Choc Quality	Guest Hot Drink Quality	Effective Cake Selection	Cake Quality	Ambiance and Atmosphere	Café Rating
5.5	7.0	4.5	7.5	6.5	6.20

Route

Click here to download 51 mile Alysham Wiveton Fakenham loop gpx file for your gps