Lets find a Cafe (or tearoom)

Lets find a Cafe (or tearoom)

Locations of reviewed cafes

For more information on the Cafes I have visited and the latest cafe cycle news go to http://www.cake-crusader.co.uk/

Cake Crusader Book

There is now a Cake Crusader book available where you can follow my journey from humble local trips to world record attempts and near-death experiences. How did a simple method of keeping track of decent cycling café pit stops turn my life upside down? Track my adventures into Europe, up mountains and right across Great Britain as I become a 'rising star' on social media. Will I prove my critics wrong? Should cheese scones be served hot or cold? Do I really have nothing better to do with his time? A must read for lovers of cycling and cake or anyone wanting to make it big in the virtual world

Available on Amazon

Tuesday 28 April 2015

Retail Therapy. (Tea, Bags and Shoes, Thorpe End Norwich)

Tea, Bags and Shoes,
Thorpe End, Norwich,
Open Mon-Sat 10:00-16:00,
 Highly Recommended
With Ironman triathlon training currently taking up a lot of my time I was glad to be able to squeeze in a cafe cycle ride today. I had recently been contacted by one of Mrs Tea, Mrs Bags or Mrs Shoes suggesting I came out to visit their tearoom. Coincidently their establishment is not just a tearoom but sells ladies shoes and bags as well. I therefore foolishly invited Chris (Mrs Crusader) to be my cycling guest as I thought she would appreciate the bags and shoes more than me, with the inevitable consequence.

After the warm weather we have recently had we were both fooled by the sunny weather and therefore set off without the correct layering. This made for a chilly cycling experience, especially when the sun went in or we hit some roadside shade, and led to today's cycling guests cycling top tip.

Cycling guests cycling top tip No 26. To avoid freezing half to death on your cycle ride match your cycling apparel to the actual temperature and not the amount of sunshine.

The route went across Norwich and looped round by the broads until reaching Thorpe end where Tea, Bags and Shoes can be found. Adding to my guest's discomfort I had planned the cafe stop after about 30 of our 36 mile ride. So not only was she cold but after just a few miles there was much complaining about being hungry as well. As I am an excellent cycling host (and husband) I knew that we would be passing a shop at about the halfway mark, which would give a refuelling opportunity. Therefore when we arrived at Ranworth Broad I generously gave Chris a shiny one pound coin, from my cafe cycling pocket money allowance, so she could buy herself a chocolate bar. Expecting thanks for this kind deed I was somewhat taken aback when informed that this wasn't good enough. She suggested we stay longer and have an additional cafe stop at the Granary cafe which is part of the post office/shop/cafe Ranworth Broad marina complex.
Ranworth Broad post office
forming part of the Ranworth Broad marina facilities
This was clearly not part of the detailed itinerary (with timings) I had laid out at the start of the ride and a stop here would throw the trip into utter chaos. I insisted that any such ludicrous idea needed to be quickly parked and that once the chocolate bar (Snickers) had been consumed that we set off again up the hill out of Ranworth, which we did. I assume the energy giving powers of the Snickers bar did not kick in for sometime as Chris didn't seem to have the energy to join in with my interesting conversational topics until we eventually arrived at Thorpe End and our cafe destination.
Outside Tea, Bags and Shoes which is both a tearoom and a shoe shop
Tea, Bags and Shoes is part of a set of shops set some way back from the main road at Thorpe End. You get to the tearoom part of the shop through the bag and shoe bit. I made it straight through but Chris managed to get distracted on route. The tearoom consists of a smallish room plus conservatory, as we were still rather cold I chose a cosy corner table.
Next I checked out the cake selection which was on a set of book shelves. There were 5 cakes plus some scones although it was hard to get a good look at the cakes as they were in Tupperware boxes. I awarded a middling effective cake selection (ECS) rating and choose a Victoria cake while Chris went for fruit scone. 
Cakes and scones
I'm always keen to have a cheese scone at every stop as it forms part of my continuing cheese scone serving temperature research. However there had just been a run on cheese scones so they were having to bake some more, which had just gone in the oven meaning I could have a really fresh one in a few minutes.

The drinks and cakes soon arrived and the hot chocolate and mocha drinks both looked promising as they were very dark which is normally a good sign of chocolatiness. They did not disappoint both scoring highly. The Victoria cake and fruit scone were nice as well but before I had time for in depth cake reviewing Chris had disappeared back into the shop like a magpie attracted to shiny things.
Drinks and cakes with nice dark Hot chocolate and mocha
Soon after I had finished my cake the cheese scones were ready. The table behind me got theirs first and admitted they had also had one from the original set. Mrs Tea, Mrs Bags or Mrs Shoe suggested they should compare the batches. "We could score them out of ten" they said. What a ridiculous idea I thought.

My cheese scone soon followed and was obviously warm as it was straight out of the oven, it was also very nice so I could now give an overall cake taste quality rating (CTQ), out of ten.

While all the cheese scone action had been going on Chris (Mrs Crusader) had tried some new shoes on as she had apparently discovered a gap in her current shoe collection that could be successfully filled with some new smart green boots. I obviously said they were very nice which was all the encouragement she needed. The next thing I knew she was demanding I hand over all my spare cafe cycle pocket money allowance, to make up the shortfall in the cash she had on her. I reluctantly handed it over knowing as one shoe gap is filled another one soon opens up. 
Chris (wife) about to rob me of my cafe cycle pocket money for an urgent shoe purchase
Tea, Bags and Shoes had scored well and gets a Highly Recommended. I suspect that it would score even higher for those who understand the Bags and Shoes part of the proposition. For a finishing touch they give me a loyalty card which I have added to the loyalty card photo library.

On the way back I once again tried to follow one of the Norwich Pedal-ways but went wrong somewhere and added an extra mile on to the route. This gave Chris more time to start planning the clothes she would need to go with the new shoes. Thank goodness I have so far not found a combined tearoom and ladies clothes shop.

Hot Choc Quality
Guest Hot Drink Quality
Effective Cake Selection
Cake Quality
Ambiance and Atmosphere
Café Rating

click here to down load 36 mile norwich south walsham loop gpx file for your gps

Sunday 26 April 2015

Norfolk Cafe Cycle Tour Sportive 12. (40 miles Bungay via Jesters of Bungay)

Sportive 12
Jesters of Bungay,
Open Mon-Sat 9:30-17:00.
Open Sunday during BST
Highly Recommended
Saturday saw the latest Norfolk cafe cycle tour head south for a 40 mile round trip to Bungay. The size of the entry had chopped and changed all week as people dropped in and out. Distance, injury and urgent haircuts were all reasons for potential non attendance but fortunately some late fitness tests, change of minds and rearranged appointments boosted the peleton to a respectable 7 cyclists lining up at race HQ.

With grey skys and conflicting weather forecasts, layering proved to be the first issue of the day with discussions on need for waterproofs, double socking and over shoe usage occupying the participants allocated pre ride faffing about time. To add to the pressure Barry announced he still had an urgent haircut booking to attend and politely requested we got a move on. Despite this, pre ride faffing about continued for a while longer until everyone was happy with their kit decisions and the ride could set off albeit 5 minutes late.
Sportive participants team photo
It wasn't long before it started to rain, which it continued to do for most of the ride to Bungay causing some people to regret some of their early more optimistic clothing choices.

On the way down I complained to team doctor, Dr Hans, that at last weeks triathlon I had come second in my age group to later find that the winner had only beaten me as he had been faster in transition, while I had been faster at the actual sporting bits. Dr Hans said he could help me, not with one of his usual 'special pills' he likes to hand out but that he had been experimenting with grafting cleats straight on to your feet saving the need for cycle shoes. If I were to fly out to his Colombian medical headquarters he would be happy to perform the procedure. It seemed definitely worth thinking about.

With lots of inter peleton racing and chatting going on we soon forgot about the rain and arrived safely at Jesters of Bungay in Bungay, which is not only a cafe but also the entrance to Bungay Castle (50p for adults and 20p for children). 
Arriving at Bungay castle
Another key fact about Jesters is that it won last years Norfolk Cafe Cycle Tour's award for best Hot Chocolate. I was therefore very pleased they had put the coveted certificate I sent them proudly on display on the entrance door.
Coveted award winning best Hot Chocolate 2014 certificate
Another two cycling groups had already beaten us here so there was no room inside but fortunately Jesters has a large outdoor seating area and double fortunately it had stopped raining and the sun was coming out so after drying off the tables we sat down. 
Drying off in outdoor seating area surrounded by bikes
As an added advantage we were also nice and close to the excellent multi media model castle exhibit which the history buffs in the group went to enjoy (although sadly the big screen wasn't working so it was more of a mono media model castle exhibit today) and tell us all about Bungay. (I already reported on the history of Bungay castel on my last visit see Cycling tips).
History buffs lapping up information on Bungay Castle
 from the multi media model castle exhibit
Whilst all this was going on I quickly popped inside to check out the cakes of which there were only a few so I couldn't award a particularly high effective cake selection (ECS) rating.
Small selection of cakes and scones
I obviously ordered award winning hot chocolate while others in the group ordered a selection of coffees (Latte, Cappuccino and Mocha). Then out of left field Jodie (Australian) choose a chocolate milk shake. As this is clearly not a hot drink she would play no further part in guest hot drink (GHD) reviewing today.

On the food front I had a cheese scone (as part of my cheese scone research) and Ginger cake. Others had carrot cake but Dom (old school cyclist), Dr Hans and Barry all had a cheese toastie. As a cheese toastie is clearly not cake they would play no further part in cake reviewing today.
Cakes, scones and drinks
My hot chocolate was even better then I remembered it and awarded my equal highest ever hot chocolate quality (HCQ) score. It is well placed to retain its Hot chocolate of the year award. Not surprisingly, as Mochas are half hot chocolate, my guests found them to be excellent too. The Latte and Cappuccino drinkers were not so impressed finding their coffees a bit weak which balanced out the GHD rating. I didn't really understand why you would want to have a coffee at a cafe that has won awards for it's hot chocolate so they only have themselves to blame.

In terms of the food my cheese scone, although not warmed, was one of the best I can remember and the addition of mustard seeds was a master stroke. It has gone straight into the running for cheese scone of the year. The ginger cake and carrot cakes were both good if not exceptional but, partly thanks to the cheese scone, I still gave a high cake taste quality (CTQ) score.

For some reason people in the group then started to give me scores for their cold drink and toasties (incidentally all 9s) but as I had made it clear that these form no part of my scoring system I couldn't understand why. It was almost as if they were making fun of me but then I realised that they must be practising ready to start their own milkshake and cheese toastie based blogs. 
Part of a cheese toastie
We all thought Jesters of Bungay was an excellent stop and even improved it's score slightly from my last visit. Well worth a trip especially for hot chocolate lovers.

Just as we were thinking if we should visit Bungay Castle (50p for adults and 20p for children) Barry started to get restless again and reminded us of his urgent haircut. As he had downloaded today's route on to his new cycle GPS from my useful routes facility he said he would set off and we could catch him up. This seemed like a good plan and as the rest of us started faffing about with waterproofs, soggy gloves, dripping helmets etc he set off.

The rest of the group were only a couple of minutes behind Barry so I led the charge to catch him up. It soon became apparent that he must have gone the wrong way as he was no where to be seen. A few phone calls later it transpired he had followed the route backwards and headed back the way we came by mistake. He had then called his support vehicle to come and rescue him and was in the back of a car going straight for the barbers. To everyone's relief we later found out that his urgent haircut had been a great success.

This is the first time, so far, I have lost anyone on a sportive but I suspect it may not be the last. The remaining group continued in the right direction until we all safely returned to race HQ.

Score for Jesters of Bungay based on two visits
Hot Choc Quality
Guest Hot Drink Quality
Effective Cake Selection
Cake Quality
Ambiance and Atmosphere
Café Rating

Map of route that most of the sportive took

Click here to download 40 mile Norwich Bungay loop gpx file for your gps

Friday 24 April 2015

Unfaithful. (Langley Road Bakery, Loddon)

Langley Road Bakery,
Open Mon-Fri 7.00-2.30, Sat 7.00-2.00

It has been a week since my last cafe cycle ride. This is mainly due to having entered an Ironman triathlon in July and realising that I need to increase the amount of cycling I'm doing if I'm going to be ready for the event. Unfortunately none of the training plans I have read suggest that stopping during your cycle training to eat cakes and scones will aide the process. However I believe any cycling must be good cycling so I will still be fitting in at least one cafe cycle ride each week where cake will form part of that day's nutrition plan.

It being a Friday meant that Big George was free to join me as today's guest as Friday is his day off. He said he needed to be back by midday but was not prepared to say why. I assume he had to get the housework complete before Mrs Big George got home and did her weekly inspection. This limited us to a 30 mile route so I decided we could go to a bakery I had spotted in Loddon that had put a big Tearoom sign in the window. 

You may remember I originally started cafe reviewing as Big George only knew of 3 cafes and we kept having to go to the same ones. One of those original three was Rosy Lee's in Loddon so when I told him of our destination Big George felt very uncomfortable going to a different Loddon cafe. He felt he was being unfaithful to Rosy Lee. I assured him his secret was safe with me and I won't tell anyone about his indiscretion, she would never know (unless she reads this blog).

As it was a fairly short ride and wind assisted we soon arrived in Loddon where we tiptoed past Rosy Lee's cafe before arriving at the Langley Road Bakery (which has the word Tearoom in large letters in the window).
Langley Road Bakery which has the word Tearoom in big letters above my head
Seating choices were limited as there was no outdoor seating area and only two tables inside. On our way to one of the tables I stopped off to check out the cake selection. It was a little sparse with only muffins or cream slices plus flapjacks, brownies and fruit scones all pre wrapped. I could only award a low effective cake selection (ECS) rating as I only really fancied the muffins.
Rather small cake selection
As it was only a small tearoom there was no frothy coffee machine but they did have a kettle and some tins of powder. I ordered my hot chocolate and Big George surprisingly went for an instant cappuccino. 
Coffee corner
My hot chocolate and muffin were both nice but Big George didn't like his cappuccino as it had been made with pre-sugared powder so was too sweet. 
Drinks and muffin
As we sat consuming our food and drinks Big George told me that he had recently appeared on Radio 5. I assumed he had phoned in for a rant but he told me he had actually been invited on as a guest in a debate on education in Norfolk. As I started to glaze over he gave me a blow by blow account of what he had said, plus what he should have said when he thought about it later, what the other debaters had said and how he believed his contribution would impact the result of the election. Up until the point when I fell asleep I felt I had done a very good job of appearing interested. Eventually Big George got to the end of his story, woke me up and we could set off again back to Norwich. 

Overall the Langley Road Bakery appeared to be a nice little bakery that would make you a hot drink but probably was not yet ready to stop Big George returning to Rosy Lee's, if she will have him back.

On the way back I made sure I kept the chat away from politics or the media as we headed home into wind. Despite this we made it back in plenty of time for Big George to don his piney and marigold gloves in order to get the house spic and span ready for inspection.

Hot Choc Quality
Guest Hot Drink Quality
Effective Cake Selection
Cake Quality
Ambiance and Atmosphere
Café Rating

Click here to download Loddon - Norwich loop GPX file to load on to your GPS

Saturday 18 April 2015

Quite near the river (Riverside Tea room and stores, Stokesby)

Riverside Tearoom and Stores,
Open Everyday 7:30-18:00

After over a week of excuses I finally persuaded a cycling guest, Big George, to join me on a cafe cycle ride. As the wind was from the West I decided we needed to head East which would mean cycling across Norwich. However this would give me the opportunity to follow some of the city's special cycle safe routes (Pedalways) which have been developed and I have never really used.

So yesterday we set off to try to cross Norwich on the pink cycle route and then head to Stokesby near Acle. The route starts from the cycle hub at St Andrews Hall so I diverted from my normal cross Norwich route and headed there instead. On arrival I couldn't find anything remotely hub like or indeed any information about the cycle paths which I feel is a must for any self respecting start point.

The routes are marked with stickers on lamp posts but they are fading so myself and big George argued for sometime as to if we were correctly following the pink route or if the red route stickers had faded and we were following that one by mistake.
Cycle route sticker but is it pink or faded red?
Despite the confusion we successfully followed the signs and weaved our way out to the other side of Norwich. Although it certainly took longer than my normal route it was more pleasant with a lot less traffic. Hopefully there will be further improvements, including a proper hub information board, in the future. I will certainly be aiming to make more use of them from now on.

As we continued out towards Stokesby Big George informed me he had dropped the legal action against me, re the alleged libel from this blog, as it wasn't making fast enough progress for his liking. He had decided to employ an Italian based firm instead who would be contacting me shortly in order to persuade me to give him more favourable coverage from now on. I think the firm were run by old family friends from the building traded as he said something about his Godfather and new concrete cycle shoes being involved.

Undeterred by this news we continued our journey through the nice quiet country lanes until we got to Acle. Unfortunately there is only one way into Stokesby which means going for a mile or so down a busy  A road from Acle. This was worse than expected as we had lorries and cars whizzing by us as if we weren't there. I therefore wouldn't recommend this route to all but the most hardy cyclists

After recovering from the horrors of the A1064 we arrived at the River Tea room and stores in Stokesby and looked for a place to securely leave the bikes. I was pleased to find we could wheel them round the back of the building where we found a small outdoor patio seating area which was an ideal place for bicycle parking. The friendly owner gave us a wave from inside. 
Leaving the bicycles in the outdoor patio seating area
However when we had first arrived I had seen a notice that clearly stated that the tea rooms should be accessed by going through the shop. As we had not correctly done this, and there must be rules, I insisted we went back round the front and enter the tea rooms through the shop as instructed. It was therefore surprised when the friendly owner said she thought she had lost us as she had gone outside to take our order. I explained I was just following her clearly written instructions but she looked at me as if I was mad. That's country folk for you I suppose.
Outside the front of the Riverside Tearoom about to enter the correct way
We continued though the shop, then past the indoor seating conservatory area back to our table by our bikes in the outdoor patio seating area but I was now happy this had been accomplished in the correct way and our order could now be taken. 

As we passed through the shop I had noted the cake selection which had 3 cakes, fruit scones (sadly no cheese ones) and muffins so I awarded a suitable effective cake selection (ECS) rating. I ordered victoria sponge cake and Big George apricot fruit cake with his cappochino coffee. 
Cake selection
After we had ordered I noticed that the Riverside Tearoom was not actually by the side of the river as the name of the tearoom would suggest you to believe. You couldn't actually see it from any seat, I know this because I tried most of them to check. It was, admittedly near the river and if you were extremely good at throwing it might just be a stones throw away. I decided not to test this hypothesis as my throwing is poor and I was worried I might injure a Stokesby resident or passing holiday maker if I attempted it. 
The river that is not quite by the side of the tea room
When the cakes and drinks arrived I had to note a couple of logistically issues. Firstly the spoon to stir my hot chocolate was not of the necessary length to make the task possible without getting drink on your fingers. 
Drink and spoon size issue
If one was to risk burning their fingers in order to make sure the drink was properly mixed then they would require a serviette with which to wipe their fingers. However to my horror the cake had been served on the serviette thus rendering it useless for finger wiping. You may remember this year I have started the 'Keep cake off Serviettes' campaign but news of it had obviously not made it out to this part of Norfolk. Despite this I attempted a stir.
Cakes clearly served on top of the serviettes
The Hot chocolate was nice but Big George wasn't so keen on his coffee. The same pattern was true with the cakes where I found the Victoria sponge excellent, very light and just the right amount of Icing but Big George thought his apricot fruit cake slightly dry. I tried it and on balance still felt able to awarded a high cake taste quality (CTQ) score.

The couple who run the Riverside Tea room and stores were both very friendly and welcoming but it is probably a better stop for river based holiday makers than cyclists as it is a bit tricky to cycle to.

With sticky hot chocolaty crumby fingers we got back on our bikes and once again took on the challenge of the A1064, this time we held up the traffic the whole way back to Acle so were probably not very popular.

As we got back on to some more suitable cycling lanes the sun came out which led to today's cycling guest cycling top tip from Big George. 

Cycling guest cycling top tip no 25. To avoid unnecessary glare and getting insects in your eyes get yourself a pair of cool shades for use on sunny days.

Sadly I had not followed cycling guest cycling top tip no 24 so was not enjoying the bright sunshine however Big George had and was modelling his 'cool shades' and new 'Bradley Wiggins style' beard. I'll let you judge what you think of both.

Hot Choc Quality
Guest Hot Drink Quality
Effective Cake Selection
Cake Quality
Ambiance and Atmosphere
Café Rating

The route went down a busy road so take care

Click here to download 50 mile Norwich Winterton GPX file for your GPS

Friday 17 April 2015

Calorie Boffins. Latest World record attempt news

Calorie neutral bike ride world record attempt update

Due to a distinct lack of cycling guests, I decided to use yesterday for some more research and practice for my calorie neutral bike ride world record attempt on 11th September. I thought I would test out the route for the potential last 8 cafes on my route. 

For those unfamiliar with the calorie neutral bike ride concept then there are seven rules that must be followed for an official world record attempt. I have included the list of rules at the bottom of the post but for today I would be only focusing on rule 6. 

Rule 6. From the time of arriving at the cafe 300 calories must be burnt off before the next cafe can be visited thus making the ride calorie neutral. (300 calories is based on in-depth internet research on average calories of cakes and scones plus average calories of a hot drink (Tea, coffee, hot chocolate). 

Using the data from my previous two practice rides I had been able to optimised the route in order that the minimum distance would be needed between stops to be able to burn the necessary 300 calories. As always I was using my Garmin Forerunner 910XT, with a heart rate monitor, to measure the calories. 

With GPS route, notebook and calorie counter all in place I set off early, before breakfast, to the start point for the day which would be the Hen House near Wymondham. On this ride I would only be stopping if I felt I was running out of energy as today it was all about the route.

With wind behind I was soon at the end of the drive to the Hen House so initialised my gadgets for a day of data gathering. I arrived at the first stop, which was Lincolns Tea Shoppe in Hingham, and I was confident that I had pedalled just the right number of miles in order to shift the necessary calories. On arrival I stopped and checked my Garmin Forerunner 910XT calorie count readout. I was shocked and mystified to find I had only burnt 223 calories. I was obviously disappointed and surprised that it was this many calories short but made a note to add a couple more miles on to the route and set off again. 

Next cafe on the list was Tabnabs in Mattishall but checking my Garmin Forerunner 910XT calorie count on arrival I again found I was many calories short. If every cafe required an extra couple of miles then the 20 cafe target I had set for the world record attempt would not be possible. Rather dejected I decided to keep going and cycle to the next stop, Yaxham Mill Cafe Bar, to have Breakfast.
Yaxham mill, where you can find a cafe bar
Due to my GPS trying to take me across Farmer Browns ploughed field I had to add a bit extra on to this leg so I was confident the necessary calories would be burnt. Although I was in the middle of nowhere I still locked my bike before going inside to check the latest readings. I nervously flicked to the calorie screen and my heart sunk as yet again I was well down on the target. Things were now looking serious but at times like this I cheer myself up by ordering a hot chocolate and cheese scone.
Good looking drink and scone
Despite this not being a cafe reviewing ride, force of habit took over and I found myself taking a photograph of the food and drink before I had realised I had done it. The refreshments were very good and replaced some of the tiny amount of calories I had apparently burned. As an aside I did note that the last time I had had a cheese scone at Yaxham mill Cafe Bar (see.Is there such thing as a free lunch?) I had reported that I felt it needed to be a bit cheesier. However on this occasion I'm happy to report that the amount of cheese was up to standard and I was very content with the cheesiness.

Suitably refuelled it was back on the bike for a loop round to Yaxham Waters cafe with the pattern of not enough calories repeated again.
Yaxham waters cafe extension looks like it is coming on very well
Calorie count wise it was the same story on the way to Chalfonts in Hingham before the longest trip of the day from Hingham to Janey's village cafe in Hethersett. By this time I had covered over 50 miles and only had a cheese scone and hot chocolate to keep me going so I decide it was time for a calorie top up.
Ready for refuelling at Janey's village cafe
I ordered another hot chocolate plus carrot cake, to make sure I got some vegetables for a balanced diet. As I waited for them to arrive I noticed that this was the only time I had hit my calorie target and had overshot by 100. This made no sense as I had only gone a couple of miles further than the distances between the other cafes. I was now starting to suspect my Garmin Forerunner 910XT calorie counting abilities were suspect and decided some in depth calorie internet based research would be required when I returned home.

When it arrived I was very pleased that the carrot cake was a very generous (and tasty) slice which, like a Pavlovian dog with an I-phone, I had photographed before I knew it.
Good looking, and tasting, drink and carrot cake, but should I eat the cream?
The carrot cake did come with cream which I ate on this occasion. However I made a note that I must not on the actual world record attempt as it would be unaccounted for extra calories and could nullify my attempt!

I now felt fully recharged and so I hopped back on my bike for the ride to the last stop which was the Station Bistro in Wymondham with another insufficient calorie count.

When I got home I updated all the data to my spreadsheets which showed, according to my Garmin Forerunner 910XT, I was now operating at a much lower calories per mile rate than on the previous two practice rides. 

With all the data I now had plus the inconstancies of my Garmin Forerunner 910XT calorie counting I was at a lose to know what to make of it all. I decided I needed to hand all the data over to some boffins so they could crunch the numbers in a super computer and come up with the answer as to how far I need to cycle between cafes in order to burn 300 calories and keep my ride calorie neutral.
Boffins crunching my cycle ride data
and analysing the calorie count using their supercomputer
Fortunately I happen to know lots of boffins so they were able to quickly report back. Professor Boffin confirmed that my Garmin forerunner 910XT was probably not recording enough calories due to an inaccurate heart rate monitor and their estimate was that I only needed to do about 5 miles or 20 mins cycling to burn the calories at my target 15mph speed. They suggested I did the calorie counting without a heart rate monitor for a more consistent result.

I will therefore have to re do the route again on this basis and with no heart rate monitor to confuse things.

For clarity I have added a new rule, 8, about calorie counting equipment

Calorie neutral bike ride record attempt rules
1. The holder of the record will have visited the highest number of different cafes during a single day.
2. All cafes must be independent and not part of national chains
3. All cafes must be visited within their normal opening hours and not open early or kept opened late for a record attempt
4. At each cafe a standard portion of cake or a scone (fruit or cheese) must be consumed. Biscuits, flapjacks, tiffin or anything pre-packaged will not count.
5. At each cafe a standard hot drink must be consumed. (Tea, coffee or hot chocolate). If served in a pot or jug than one cups worth must be drunk.
6. From the time of arriving at the cafe 300 calories must be burnt off before the next cafe can be visited thus making the ride calorie neutral. (300 calories is based on in-depth internet research on average calories of cakes and scones plus average calories of a hot drink (Tea, coffee, hot chocolate). 
7. If extra calories have been used up between cafes then that is tough as they can not be credited against other legs of the ride.
8. Calories burnt to be counted on a generic calorie counting device using only cycle speed, rider weight and age to calculate calorie usage. No heart rate consideration is required.

For data buffs here is today's useless data
calories  time (min) miles av speed mph calories
Heart rate
To Hen House 246 32.8 7.79 14.2 31.58 7.50 106
To Lincolns 223 26.5 6.86 15.5 32.51 8.42 115
To Tabnabs 215 28.95 7.87 16.3 27.32 7.43 114
To Yaxham Mill 228 32.75 8.29 15.2 27.50 6.96 111
Yaxham Mill 20 18 1.11 75
To Yaxham Waters 219 28 7.17 15.35 30.54 7.82 115
To Chalfonts 190 26.9 6.9 15.4 27.54 7.06 67
To Janeys Village Café 414 38.45 9.11 14.2 45.44 10.77 122
Janeys Village Café 18 20.6 0.87 76
To Station Bristro 185 29.6 6.52 13.2 28.37 6.25 80
To Home 208 32.75 7.44 13.6 27.96 6.35 76
Totals 2166 315.3 67.95 14.73